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strangebiology · 2 months ago

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I think a lot of the people in my life who have expressed disgust or disapproval of my interest in/collection of animal remains have come at it first from the perspective of "but diseases!" like regular uncleanliness stigma. the second most common reaction is that interest in/collection of/comfort with animal remains (to be clear, i collect bones and sometimes preserved tails or pelts and these are the objects in question) is... creepy? and, the people who are most disgusted/creeped out are usually people who by and large dont interact with wild animals or livestock. my friends who are vet techs or who hunt or who practice animal husbandry are more or less unfazed.

(Re: What are actual common attitudes towards animal remains?)

Interesting, thank you!

Now, I'm wondering if people mistake personal discomfort for immorality.

I've mentioned my one video that did get some negative comments, showing the slaughter of a reindeer (you can see it here but I have warnings on it for a reason! Blood and death!) And, I think 90% or so (I suppose I could go count them) are more reasonable.

First, people are mad at the assumption that I killed a reindeer (I did NOT kill it, I just filmed it.) Then, the issue is it's being killed for no reason (it was NOT no reason, it's for food.) Then the method is criticized (this is one of the ONLY legal ways to kill them and it's quicker than it looks because of post-mortem spasms.) Then, when those concerns are disproven, the only issue left is "filming and posting it is sadistic." So...killing was no problem, but showing anyone that their meat came from a death was a problem. (Again, I respect if you don't want to see it! So please heed the warnings unless your desire to know how reindeer are killed outweighs your discomfort with watching a death!)

I wonder if sometimes people are overly focused on prioritizing their own 5-second comfort over things that matter a lot more, but are external to them, and they don't really care about others who they are not currently looking in the face of at all.

This isn't a 100% relevant example, but consider the people who don't want to donate their organs after death. A common reason to forgo something that could save and improve lots of lives is "it sounds gross!" Ickiness really should not be a factor in whether or not to save lives--the donor will never see or feel it, but since it's not their own life being saved, the 5-second icky feeling when checking the "donor" box is suddenly more important than the saved and improved human lives.

I know I shouldn't think too hard about one random experience, but I will always remember this one. I was once at a consumer survey thing for a turkey meat brand, where participants tried the meat and said what we thought about the name, taste, packaging, branding etc. We were instructed to circle what we liked on the branding and cross out what we didn't like.

One participant crossed out the part where it said "humanely raised." I asked if she had made a mistake, or...does she feel like the label is disingenuous or something...? Surely she's pro-humane treatment of animals, right??

"No," she said. "I don't want them to do that. I don't want to think about their lives when I'm eating them, and they don't need to be humane to animals that are going to die anyway." Most of the group agreed. I couldn't help but point and say "YOU'RE gonna die anyway!"

That may have been the first time I encountered a group of people shamelessly agreeing that they would rather animals suffer unnecessarily than think for one second that the animal whose body they are using/eating was ever even alive. Because not feeling guilty about something was infinitely more important to them than any amount of suffering that someone else might experience.

#dead animals #vulture culture #animal death #animal cruelty #animal welfare

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transdimensional-void · 5 months ago

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guys, i randomly decided to watch an old livestream from a youtuber whose videos i enjoy, and he thinks jonsa is a solid theory??? it's this video starting at 22:59 and going until about 26:00. the channel name is quinn the gm.

basically, someone in the chat asks who he thinks sansa will marry. i've watched a lot of his videos and have never heard him discuss that topic before, so i braced myself for the usual "it doesn't matter" or "she's too young" or "i personally don't care" takes, but he actually took the question seriously and began discussing his thoughts. color me shocked!

he first says that he doesn't think it will be harry because he's slated to die (based foreshadowing understander). then he says it could be sweetrobin if he lives. then he discusses the ashford tourney theory (he can't remember the name at first) and says he thinks the targ suitor would be jon because of the original outline!! he says it would make sense that grrm changed jon's planned love interest from âryâ to sansa!!! he acknowledges that some people propose aegon as the final suitor but dismisses that option because he believes aegon will marry arianne.

even better, someone in the chat says that a lot of the northern succession issues would be shored up by a jon/sansa marriage and he agrees???? i've heard him mention in other videos that he believes sansa will be regent for either rickon or robb's unborn child (he thinks there's a chance jeyne westerling is pregnant and will give birth in twow). and in this particular livestream he says that he doesn't think jon is interested in ruling a kingdom because he has found leadership to be a burden, implying that his potential claims wouldn't be an obstacle to him marrying sansa.

i dunno, it's just really nice encountering a non-jonsa (which i assume he is since i've never heard him mention the theory anywhere else) actually considering the theory on its merits and accepting it as a strong possibility. he recently did a livestream where he ranked his fav characters from the series and said that sansa was his favorite stark as well.

anyway, just wanted to share with my fellow jonsas and also rec his vids if you're interested in theory and analysis channels like this on youtube!

#jonsa

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serenhoshi · 2 years ago

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𝐇𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐣𝐨𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐛𝐨𝐲𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝

I’m sorry I haven’t posted in a while! I was working for my finals, and now that I’m done I can post again!

Here is the beginning of the “Ateez as your boyfriend” series, I haven’t done all the members of seventeen yet, but I’m working on it as well, it’ll come very soon!

So, Kim Hongjoong!

based on his mbti, the man is a lover of love

he is a hopeless romantic, and has a crush 24/7

he loves having a crush, daydreaming a bit about the person that attracted him

it kind of frees him from his busy everyday life

it inspires him for some of his lyrics as well?? (like i know ateez songs are about rebellion and stuff but i’m sure that this man right here has many romantic and cheesy songs about his ex-lover(s) or/and crushes)

anyways, so as I said, he has a crush on basically anyone

he never truly expects anything, like no relationship whatsoever, he really just enjoys the feeling of liking someone

so when he has a crush one you, he doesn’t expect much from it

maybe he saw you at a museum or in a shop or whatever

and he double-checked you like “oh- oh, they look great” (in his head ofc)

and maybe he liked your vibe, your outfit, whatever

he ended up giving you quick looks during your whole visit (if it’s a museum), like a shy kid

he knows he won’t see you again anyway because of his work, and [insert city name] is a big city, so he makes sure he memorizes you well

it really sounds weird but like

he WILL write about you, so he needs to remember details to talk about in his lyrics

As soon as he got home, he started writing his song, it was very quick lmao

so when he was done, he was satisfied and could go back to his work

until he saw you again, at the agency

his eyes opened wide and his jaw almost fell to the floor

he was clearly confused so he played it cool and ignored you as if he never knew you in the first place

like “damn, that not how it always goes”

but turns out you had to work together, because you were in charge of the production of some music videos, so you had to meet with the members to talk about the aesthetic and the mood of the songs, and what to tell in the video

the members quickly saw that hongjoong was acting weirdly around you

like during a meeting, anytime you looked at him he would look away from you, anytime he spoke up his ears would turn red because he knew you were watching him

so they mocked him lmao

and he threatened them back

but they’re ateez, they don’t really care, so they continued

until it got to you

you heard the members being like “hongjoong-hyung have you seen y/n’s haircut today? oh i’m sure you have right?”

“remember when he drew them?? in a cartoon-ish way, it looked cute tho”

“yeah, i want you to draw me too!- why not? is it because they’re your crush and i’m not??”

you were very confused and curious at the same time

so one time your curiosity took over, and you called hongjoong after a meeting with the members (ofc they mocked him when they heard you call him lmao)

you blutly asked if there was someting going on, because you heard stuff from the members, and you needed to know if you had done something wrong, or is they were mocking you for something. not even once considering he could actually like you

he would giggle shyly, hiding his face with his hand

and then he was fully honest with you

he said in a suprisingly confident way, that he hoped something would develop between the two of you, because he really appreciates you

and he asked you on a date btw

i know right

he couldn’t believe it either

the date went very well, you went to the cinema and then ate at the convenience store bcs you were hungry

it was very fun! and both of you started to get attached to each other

you got close very fast, you saw each other a lot at dates, your appartment, or his recording studio

you would just mess around a lot, laugh, eat, sleep, whatever

at some point he just HAD to tell you how much he loved you

you were both in his studio, you had drank a bit, hongjoong more than you, to give himself a bit of courage

he played the song he made after meeting you for the first time

the silence was pressuring to him, while you listened attentively to the song

then you looked at him, confused at what it meant (not really understanding that it was about you)

so he told you

his confession was a bit clumsy, he wanted to do well but he was too stressed, so stressed that he stuttered a lot

but it was also very sincere, his eyes did not leave you, the light reflecting in them made them look so bright and passionate that your heart started speeding up

when he finally said “i love you”, you smiled, and giggled like a child

his eyes were still on you, and you felt your ears burn and redden

you told him that you loved him too, in a quieter voice, shy to let the three words out

he smiled widely, he heard what you said, but he just had to tease you a bit

so he came closer, his face inches away from yours

“what did you say?”

so you said it again, with a tiny pout on your lips

and he kissed you right after

Now, let’s see how the pirate king is as a boyfriend :D

i’m sure that even though he keeps showing his hate for physical touch on TV, he actually loves it

but only with you :)

when he gets home from work he comes to you and kisses you on the forehead, a hand holding your waist or caressing your back

will get grumpy if you don’t accept taking a bath with him >:(

while watching tv he either holds your hand or puts it on your thigh

same when he drives

loves spending special evenings or afternoons with you

like you both going shopping, taking pictures and enjoying the city

or discovering the new pet cafe <3

maybe an evening customizing some of your clothes, sat on the floor of the living room, with some 2000s songs playing in the back

or you dyeing his hair !

you also cook together at least 2 to 3 times a week

because you’re both bad at cooking but you want to get better

at first it was chaotic, now it’s better

having hongjoong as a boyfriend also means being a new parent for ateez

some of the members (like wooyoung and mingi) will call you mom as a joke

when they come to the appartment (randomly most of the time), you’ll have to handle them with your boyfriend, as much as you can

but hongjoong’s patience is so low you end up handling them yourself while he tries to beat up yunho in the back

hongjoong really has no patience, in your relationship its better

but he still gets angry easily

luckily, he doesn’t give you the silent treatment, he directly confronts you about what he thinks and what made him upset

very jealous, protective, and a bit possessive as well

at first it annoyed you a lot, so you told him and now he controls himself better

but he still always has a hand around your waist during social events, just so people know that you’re taken

i think that hongjoong “weak” side would be how shy he is when it comes to compliment you

he shows support through actions, he encourages anything you do in life and makes sure you know how proud he is of you

but its always hard for him to put it into words

when you’re not here he can describe you with the most loving words, and praise you as if you were a goddess (which you are for him)

but once you’re there he just giggles and smiles like a child

if you get prepared for an important event for example, and you arrive with a gorgeous outfit, beautifully done hair and all that

he’ll stop moving (maybe even breathing) for a while, his cheeks as red as cherries

and then he’ll hug you lovingly, maybe kiss you if you don’t have lipstick on

it is very rare for him to put it into words

maybe if you get married he’ll finally praise you while you’re here, in front of him? ;)

anyways we’re done here :)

smutty part below!

I don’t think hongjoong ever had sex before you

or if he did it was with some one night stands he doesn’t remember

but still he was quite shy during your first time

he wouldn’t dare look at you at first, both because he thinks his face would go fully red, and because he doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable

he still touches you a lot, a bit awkwardly at first because it wasn’t the same with no clothes on anymore :’)

might stare a bit even though he tries to control himself so you don’t feel too oppressed lmao

moans a lot, he can’t stay quiet, even when you’re just making out

no matter what position you’re in, he likes having a hand in your hair, caressing it as if praising you for whatever you were both doing

he talks quite a lot too

saying how he feels, asking you questions to make sure you’re okay, it’s like he says each and every thoughts that goes in his mind

“woah,, again please”

“do you like it that way? should i go on?”

“moan again for me honey”

“you can’t keep your hands to yourself, huh?”

ofc he has to be a tease when he feels the most confident

i feel like he’s a switch, but still more on the dominant side

like he goes sub mode when you ask him to, but the rest of the time hes dominant

prefers doing it in bed, in your shared bedroom

maybe sometimes in the living room or in the bathroom, but never out of the appartment, even for a quickie

(so making him horny outside of home is very fun to watch, because he cannot do anything on the spot, and just glares at you while hiding his bulge as much as he can)

even tho he is a dom, i think he likes it when you ride him

he loves watching you on top of him

but still orders you around with his hands on your hips, his fingers tracing on your stretch marks

overall he has a great stamina, he could go for 2 rounds easily, maybe 3 sometimes :)

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culpeppercheckers721 · 3 months ago

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Ok but in all seriousness, if we are gonna discuss Peggy OUTSIDE of just the hot bracket. 😂 I know we’re all like “I support women’s wrongs!” and I do love strong female characters myself, even when I know they’re villains! However Peggy may be the exception to that rule, because as much as it seems to go weirdly unacknowledged at times, I’d like to just say that Peggy is just. Objectively. Not that great of a person. 🤡

If I can just explain my viewpoint, I recognize that going into the show, I was always biased because I had already done some light research on her and the Arnold treason plot and knew about her historically, so I already absolutely detested Peggy Shippen before seeing Turn’s characterization of her, where yes she does get something of a sympathetic portrayal as many loyalists and redcoats do on this show (which is generally good because history is complicated, and it’s not all black and white, so I’m not saying that was a bad choice or anything!!), but I still don’t think it sugarcoated her enough for Peggy to be seen as a morally great character. 😅

Regarding how she totally manipulated Arnold into joining the British and basically ruining his own life, I want to preface this with YES I also hate Arnold and would punch him if I could, and YES I think Arnold was perfectly capable of ruining his own life by himself, but that being said… it is still pretty painful to watch, and if not for Arnold’s sake, than for the sake of everyone else who was negatively impacted by his treason. 💀 Honestly, there are some similarities I find between how dangerous Mary can be and how dangerous Peggy can be, only I think the key difference is that Mary uses it for “good” and Peggy uses it for “evil,” if you will. 😂 I don’t think Mary is some flawless goddess, and I get the argument that everything Peggy did was for Andre and how devoted she was to him… but I don’t think it’s a reach for me to say that with the exception of Andre, she may or may not sacrifice others’ happiness for her own. And have we forgotten the candlestick scene??? When she was threatening Cicero, talking to him about her family’s servants getting rewarded vs. getting horsewhipped and asking him which one he would prefer??? (Honestly, even if she did end up on their side since she wanted to help with the kidnapping, I think Abigail should have got to knock Peggy out with the candlestick just for fun, who knows if she’d even remember it after anyways 💀) Like some of Peggy’s insensitive words likely just happen since she’s a product of her time, and since she grew up as privileged and rich as she did (let’s not forget Andre himself noting how her family views themselves as above essentially everyone, even the king’s authority which you’d think would matter to loyalist-leaning parties at the time), but that scene rather rubs me the wrong way. 😬 And remember that time when her and Philomena were essentially fighting over Andre even after he was already DEAD LMAO, and just because Philomena was rude to her once she got her sent to fucking PRISON??? LIKE HELLO POOR PHILOMENA. 💀

As traumatizing as I’m sure it was for her to see Andre die, and as much as I genuinely pity her then, I don’t think that’s an excuse for THAT course of action. And further still, there’s nothing that makes her actions prior to his death quite ok either. I could go on and on about this all day y’all but I think you get the point lol Peggy Shippen is simply… someone I would never want to be around. 😀 Like, it genuinely scares me sometimes when I remember that, of course, there are manipulative people like her still out there now. 😀 Not exactly fun to consider.

There’s a great video touching on this general topic from Not Even Emily who is far funnier than me, but to repeat her point, “women [and therefore female characters] can be bad people, too, and that’s true equality, babe!” 😂 So if you simply like Peggy as something of a morally grey or even morally bad character then I won’t try to talk you out of that of course, and even if you do for whatever reason defend her, you’re still entitled to your opinion! I know for a fact I can’t talk everyone out of liking her and nor would I try since that’s just as controlling as she is lol, but I still have just wanted to get this out of my system for a while since I find it to be sort of odd that this topic isn’t discussed more lmao.

Thank you so much if you actually read this besties, it is appreciated 💕

#been meaning to vent about this before I even properly joined the fandom!! 😅#peggy shippen #turn amc #turn washington's spies #amc turn #turn: washington's spies #turn: washingtons spies #turn washingtons spies #turn washington’s spies #amrev #amrev fandom #american revolution #my stuff

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ben-marco · 5 months ago

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Yeah they're saying their intersex now [even made a few videos with their takes on it]. The only minor situation we can remember was a fail attempt to get the kid out of an abusive house/programming, but they did get an adult (a system who was possible in a psychosis episode) to Ireland before abandoning them then slandering them so hard online that sys is now just off the face of the internet. Got a few other big name systokkers to harass that person too, honestly feel sorry for Corvidellow

They did go through this arc of trying to find anyway to not be trans masc which was at the start of the radfem pipe line, like I get gender is confusing and stuff but even a baby could see the radfem/terf stuff from miles away

Hello anon!

The intersex stuff actually enrages me, for personal reasons that I will not discuss on this blog.

I was not aware that Corvidellow was an adult when all of this happened. What Legion did to them is still disturbing especially seeing how Legion responded to it all-- their inflammatory, knee-jerk response tells me much of what I need to know about their character.

The situation with the minor you mentioned is especially disturbing. I feel like Legion is someone who needs to be watched closely; I don't like how they throw around baseless accusations of abuse and pedophilia and then engage in what would, in some courts, be considered (attempted) kidnapping.

Your point about the gender stuff made me remember something: Didn't they, at some point, have a TikTok posted about their gender labels or something? I went looking for it before I answered this ask and either I didn't spot it or it's been deleted. If they've deleted TikToks discussing their gender/sexuality/pride month right before going down the whole TERF pipeline then that's very convenient. And interesting. Even when that gender TikTok was up, it did seem like they were trying to dodge the transmasc label any way they could, or set themselves apart from it somehow.

Questioning your gender is one thing, becoming a TERF and openly describing yourself as a "radfem" and "proud misandrist" is quite another.

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becauseimanicequeen · 2 months ago

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Hi, Queen! I'm on bedrest after a surgery I had last week and is currently watching QLs all day. I'm flying through some high heat ones atm and loving every minute although I'm physically uncomfortable. To some it may be controversial to say this, but I connect more with the high heat stuff than the romance because that's who I am irl too.

Anygay, I think I've seen you write about high heat shows before and was wondering what your favorite sex scenes in QLs are?

I'm only about 100 QLs into my journey after almost a year of watching. Most of them are Korean before I found Thai QLs and then Japanese, Taiwanese, and some Vietnamese. You have watched many more than me so could you give me your best tips? My favorites so far are everything in Bed Friend and the one at the hotel/motel in the Pornographer movie. What are yours?

I hope you have an amazing day!

Hi, @whatevenisthishellhole (and the three Anons who sent me similar asks when 4 Minutes was airing)!

Excuse my late reply. I've been super busy throwing paint at canvases a la the boys in I Saw You in My Dream (not quite, but similar). I've also been battling with this post for a day or two since I had to remove a lot of the gifs and videos I originally added to this post to get it unflagged. But, here we are!

First, I hope your surgery went well and I'm happy that you're having a great time even though you're uncomfortable.

Second, it's not controversial to say you like the high heat stuff! Unless you're a child. But neither you nor I am.

I absolutely get where you're coming from. As someone who prefers sexual relationships over romantic ones, I also prefer the high heat shows/films (even though I also watch shows/films that don't include sex). We're all different, just like it's supposed to be. And since you and I both seem to like the high heat stuff, let's talk about it, shall we?

Also, even though we often talk about heat levels regarding QLs, what we consider high or low heat is very individual for all of us. So, I've chosen to include scenes that I personally rank mid to higher heat levels to give some range. And I've chosen scenes that show different ways of having sex because I like variety.

And, btw, thank you for writing "sex scenes" and not "NC scenes" because I have beef with the latter term (which is super weird considering I'm a vegetarian. But, anyway...).

Third, I don't get triggered. So I suggest that you (and anyone else reading this) look up possible trigger warnings before you dive into most shows in this post if you're sensitive to anything in particular.

Fourth (and the last one before we get into the good stuff, I promise), I've watched 350+ QL shows/films in about 14 months (it was my escape last year as I tried to survive some grief, which is why the number is so high) and I have a terrible memory. There's a chance I've forgotten most of the ones I liked. But I will try to remember (lol).

With all that said, let's finally dive into my list (which I've gathered in no particular order)!

My Favorite Sex Scenes in QLs

Mike and Jack in Twins (Thailand)

To be honest, the heat level can be discussed here. But! I wanted to include this scene because Mike and Jack were everything to me when Twins was airing (and had I been on tumblr at the time, I would've screamed about these two) because they were friends with benefits who stayed that way without getting into a romantic relationship (which I want to see more of since romantic relationship aren't the be-all and end-all for everyone).

Ryou and Anda + Thee and Jet in Love Stage!! (Thailand)

I couldn't find a gif of the scene I like, but it was in the 6th or 7th episode or something. It's the sequence where Ryou and Anda's sex scene is interwoven with Thee (Anda's brother) and Jet (his secret boyfriend) also having sex.

Phat and Saengtai in La Pluie (Thailand)

I missed this when it was airing in 2023 but watched it earlier this year instead. And I loved it so much (one of my absolute favorite shows I've watched this year). One of the reasons is the chemistry and sexual tension between Phat and Saengtai, which is on fire when they almost have sex at Saengtai's apartment, when Saengtai sucks Phat's dick, and when they have sex at Phat's apartment.

All three of those scenes are great. But I particularly love the scene at Phat's apartment because, now that Saengtai feels ready, Phat gets to give Saengtai pleasure too.

Rak and Mahasamut in Love Sea (Thailand)

Of course I'm listing Mut fucking Rak's face on my list because that scene was iconic! (I couldn't find a gif of that particular moment, but this one is from the same scene that leads up to Mut fucking Rak's face:)

Charlie and Babe in Pit Babe (Thailand)

Honestly, this scene was almost omitted from my list because the racing cutting into the important shit every fucking second is driving me nuts (lmao!). But Charlie's gaze and Babe's facial expressions convinced me to add it anyway. So, here we are.

Alan and Jeff in Pit Babe (Thailand)

Their first time was good, but their sex scene in the last episode was great. The way they were looking at each other, the way they were kissing and touching each other... I loved it.

Thantatch and Lomnaw in 2 Moons: The Ambassador (Thailand)

If I remember correctly, I thought most of this show was meh, especially in the beginning. But! I remember I was surprised to see sex scenes in the 2 Moons series because there hadn't been anything beyond kissing and removing shirts in the previous ones.

The two scenes I liked most in this one were the ones where Thantatch and Lomnaw suck each other's dicks.

This is the lead-up to the first one where Lomnaw sucks Thantatch's dick:

And this is during the second one where Thantatch is doing wicked shit to Lomnaw under the blanket:

To be honest, these scenes are a bit sweeter than savory for me, but they still make the cut because the acting felt very natural, and, again, I was pleasantly surprised with these scenes (and the other sex scenes in this show).

King and Uea in Bed Friend (Thailand)

Just like you, I loved Bed Friend. Mainly for the chemistry between Net and James.

Honestly, you can't make me choose which sex scene I liked most because I loved them all. Even King's jump up on the bed.

But I just want to say that the lighting was immaculate in this particular scene:

(It took me ages to try and find a gif of this before I gave up and went with a static screenshot instead, lol.)

Mangkorn and Yai in Big Dragon (Thailand)

I don't necessarily vibe with Mos and Bank's cutesy stuff, but I love them when they throw high heat at me like they did at Mangkorn's place in Big Dragon.

Sailom and Namnuea in Wedding Plan (Thailand)

The moment when Sailom could finally be himself around Namnuea, after all those years of hiding himself because of his family and to protect his best friend (Yiwa), was everything to me. Sailom was starving, and Namnuea was more than willing to let himself be devoured.

Nueng and Anueng in Blank (season 2) (Thailand)

As someone with a biting kink, this scene was made especially for me. And I appreciated every fucking millisecond of it.

(Sidenote: I would let Faye do whatever she wants with me.)

Ji and Achi in To Be Continued (Thailand)

Their first time (in the past) was great (up until the point where misunderstandings and miscommunication happened, but let's forget that for a moment, lol). They both wanted it so bad that it was palpable. And I loved this scene just as much as I loved these two miscommunicating idiots.

Kawin and Pluem in Ghost Host Ghost House (Thailand)

If I remember correctly (which I might not), I think we only got two sex scenes in this show, and I loved them both. So I'm obviously including both.

First, we have their first sex scene, which has a build-up that's amazing (this video is longer than the scene in the actual show, btw).

Then we have the scene after they reunite in the last episode (I also think this one is longer than the scene in the show).

Jom and Yai in I Feel You Linger in the Air (Thailand)

Since I'm an ice queen who has a hard time crying, I tend to get obsessed with things that melt my ice and open up my floodgates. This is the first and only time that I can remember having cried while watching a sex scene. That's partly why I love it so much.

It is beautiful and emotional because Yai knows that he will eventually lose Jom. That grief hit me so hard (which is why I cry every time I rewatch this show) even though Yai hasn't lost Jom yet. It's just so beautiful and one of my absolute favorite sex scenes.

Gao Shi De and Zhou Shu Yi in We Best Love: Fighting Mr. 2nd (Taiwan)

Heat level can be discussed, but this scene is filled with so much emotion, angst, and desperation that I can't help but love it.

Chen Yi and Ai Di in Kiseki: Dear to Me (Taiwan)

Heat level can be discussed, I'm just here for the chemistry and the neon lights, because both are amazing (and I'm such a slut for neon lights).

Tharn and Phaya in The Sign (Thailand)

I loved their chemistry and I loved all the neon lights in this scene (have I mentioned that I'm a slut for neon lights?).

Aob and Puen in Playboyy (Thailand)

This tattooed daddy and his baby were everything to me in Playboyy. Aob had some solid walls around his heart, but when it came to taking care of his baby, he delivered with a solid handjob.

Sky and Prapai in Love in the Air (Thailand)

Their first time is great (the neon lights in that scene are gorgeous). But the sex scene I like the most with these two characters is the one in the special episode where Prapai fucks Sky on the conference table at his office. I mean, Prapai unbuttoned Sky's pants with his fucking teeth. That boy was hungry.

Sun Bo Xiang and Lu Zhi Gang in History 3: Make Our Days Count (Taiwan)

Let's forget the ending of this show and just focus on these two for a moment because their first time was such a spur-of-the-moment thing (in the gym after lockdown, btw) fueled by a desire that went from 0-100kph in less time than a Ferrari would. I loved it!

Tan and Bun in Manner of Death (Thailand)

I can't make a list of my favorite sex scenes without including Max and Tul in MOD. I mean... Max is fucking fisting his hands in Tul's hair. And sucking lips.

And they're plant dads! What more could I want? (Transplant. That's the more I want.)

Mingmueang and Namning in Be Mine Superstar (Thailand)

I can barely remember anything about this series except Mingmueang and Namning. Their chemistry was on fire. And there's just something about Jo (who plays Namning) that pulls my attention to him. I can't take my eyes away. Pairing him with Bosston (Mingmueang)... I'm still hoping their spin-off will see the light of day. Pretty fucking please!

The Novelist/Pornographer + Mood Indigo (Japan)

I'll be honest and say that I love every scene in this whole series from the first show to the last short (I have a sweet spot for the darker and more complex Japanese stuff). And that includes the sex scenes.

If I were to pick my favorite one, though, I would agree with you, @whatevenisthishellhole and say the hotel scene is fire.

(Also, as an advocate of safe and comfortable sex, I especially love the scene in Mood Indigo where Rio is stretching his anus to prepare himself for penetrative sex.)

Kim Sung Min and Yoo Joo Hyuk in Love Class Season 2 (Korea)

This scene is iconic to me when it comes to Korean BLs. I can't remember if I've ever seen anything like this in a Korean BL before (but, again, my memory is fucked, so feel free to remind me of how wrong I am). I've seen this and more explicit scenes in one or two gay films, but not that I can remember in any Korean BLs.

Anyway...

I love the buildup of the scene, which starts on their date, and all the way throughout this scene. It feels real, the chemistry is amazing, and it has a more mature vibe (as in, two adults who are confident, comfortable with each other, and know what they want). I love it so much.

Jao and Wayu Two Worlds (Thailand)

I'm sorry Max and Nat, but these two stole this show for me.

Let's forget for a moment that Jao has been badly wounded, had a fever, and that, apparently, sex can heal everything (especially if it's sex on the floor of an abandoned cabin in the middle of the woods). Because let's be honest, this scene was great in every sense of the word.

It was beautiful, it was raw, the lighting was gorgeous (I have to include the visuals as the artist I am), the way they were looking at each other, the way they moved. I mean, fuck me, this was a great scene.

Kinn and Porsche in KinnPorsche (Thailand)

I can't make a list like this and not include KP. And, for me personally, the pool scene is the best Kinn and Porsche sex scene.

Vegas and Pete in KinnPorsche (Thailand)

And since I love toxic little shits (Vegas being one of my favorites) as well as KP, I obviously had to add Vegas and Pete's sex scene as well.

Also, I'm such a slut for the neon colors in this one!

Korn and Tonkla in 4 Minutes (Thailand)

Say what you will about Korn's performance (or lack thereof) but Bas and Fuaiz acted the fucking shit out of their scenes. My favorite sex scene with Korn and Tonkla was the one in the first episode because it said so much about their dynamic (sugar daddy/sugar baby, Korn's needs taking priority, Tonkla wanting more, etc.). It was everything I wanted and more (the more being Bas's ass).

Great and Tyme in 4 Minutes (Thailand)

I mean... Great got his ass eaten...

Shin, Neo, and Miw in 3 Will Be Free (Thailand)

I'm a sucker for poly and would love to see more of that in our beloved QLs. So I ate up every single crumb of the little I got from this group in 3 Will Be Free (but I'm still starving, lol).

That's the end of the primary list of my favorites.

Looking back on it now, I wish I had more GLs on my list. Unfortunately, the ones I've watched are either too cute (which I don't vibe well with), too tame (for me at least) or don't include sex at all, or I probably haven't watched it yet (I've watched less than 20 so far). If you have any recommendations of great GLs, then, for the love of everything holy, send them my way! I'm starving over here, lol.

Others

I have a few more sex scenes that aren't my personal favorites (which is what you specifically asked for) but they're still good:

Ritsu and Masumi in The End of the World With You (Japan), all their sex scenes were very close to being on my favorites list (especially with Ritsu's laser focus on Masumi) but they don't feel as real to me as most of the others on my list above.

Rain and Payu in Love in the Air (Thailand), specifically the sex scene after Payu raced against the asshole (can't remember his name, lol).

Kita and Nathee in Beyond the Star (Thailand), their chemistry is amazing but I think I was too bored by the whole show to care, lol. These characters are played by Willi and Focus who are also in Battle of the Writers (which is currently airing) and they have even more amazing chemistry now.

There were some great sex scenes in For Him (Thailand) as well, but the production lost the story (and me) somewhere in the middle/end.

DIY

Sex doesn't need to be had with a partner (or several) either, so I want to highlight some solo parties too:

Yai in Big Dragon (Thailand) has a good time while looking at a photo of Mangkorn's hands.

Atom in The Rebound (Thailand) is thinking about Zen as he's masturbating and gets emotional.

Almond tries out a dildo in Knock Knock, Boys! (Thailand).

Miyata in Love is Better the Second Time Around (Japan) jerks off in the shower while thinking about Iwanaga.

Army in The Warp Effect (Thailand) also jerks off in the shower while thinking about his past love interest Joe.

Mut in Love Sea (Thailand) is also jerking off in the shower, but Rak decides to help him.

I'm pretty sure I've seen more masturbation scenes, but I can't seem to remember any more right now so these will have to do.

Other QLs that Highlight Sex in Different Ways

Before I hit publish on this post, I also want to share some QLs that highlight/talk about sex in different ways (besides the ones I've already mentioned throughout this post).

Knock Knock, Boys! (Thailand)

I know that you already know about this one, @whatevenisthishellhole. But, for anyone else wanting to watch a show that openly talks about sex and pansexuality in particular, this is a great one.

Let's Talk About CHU (Taiwan)

To be fair, this is primarily a straight show but it does have a gay pair that I absolutely love!

It also highlights sex from different perspectives and angles. For example, there are different age groups (from the youngest daughter in the central family to the parents in the same family), different types of relationships (fwb, creditor/debtor or gangster/gambler, two marriages whereby one has lasted 30+ years), and, as I mentioned, both straight and gay relationships.

(Fun fact: Helena Hsu, who plays Gao Shi De's mom in We Best Love, is also in this series.)

The Warp Effect (Thailand)

This queer show has a diverse set of characters (queer and straight) and a diverse range of relationships. It also highlights sex from different perspectives and the effects and consequences sex can have. It also includes some of the best female characters I've seen in queer shows from Thailand, and I love them so fucking much.

Final Words

Those are all the scenes I can remember at this point. I'm sure there are several that I've missed and some that I will remember as soon as I hit publish on this. But this will have to do for now.

I hope you find something you like.

And, thanks for your ask!

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alsoanyways · 6 months ago

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@transgender-scout @1ight wait fuck now i have to compile them okay okay okay i have a feeling this is gonna get long so I'm gonna put it under a cut haha but for real thank you for asking!!

First things first! This is how I imagine the flock is able to disguise themselves. There's no going undercover at an actual school for them, but I don't think anyone's looking twice at a bulky coat, especially if it's set in the future. Not too far in the future though, still in the 21st century. I have no ideas for a plot restructuring or anything, I never read past Nevermore and I barely remember anything past the fourth book, so most of my headcanons are character dynamics and such. I do have some that aren't focused on the flock but not many. Anyways.

(also idk if most of this can even be considered headcanon bc its basically fanfic at this point)

A couple things I should've added to the design post are Toto's Total’s nonexistence (I'm sorry if you like him but I do not lmao) and the fact that their hair is feathers. Like those very fine and very long feathers that roosters get. The flock also doesn't develop superpowers.

In my version of things, there's a small town close-ish to the E shaped house. Far enough that no one in town is gonna drop by for a visit, but close enough to fly down to for some groceries, which they'd do after Jeb left and until the money was gone. I think he would've taught them how to forage for things and that's how they get by since then.

Max (21) isn't The Leader TM either, I think leadership is shared more with Fang/Friday and Iggy. She likes volleyball and usually the one to go foraging. She's never thought about it but if she did, she'd probably consider herself agender.

Fang/Friday (22) gets his name from a Friday the 13th DVD cover, Jeb thinks he wants to be called Jason when he first points to it. He used to help Nudge/Dora and Angel with their hair when they were little and still does occasionally. He likes to draw and he's the go-to when someone needs to be comforted. There's no way in hell I would let him be anything less than bisexual.

Iggy (20) is the one that probably hears Friday's voice the most. He was also taught braille and Jeb got them a labeling machine. He's still the best cook and he's very protective over the vinyls/tapes/cds in the house. He mourns the loss of them when they have to flee the house, but he is excited to finally have access to new music. He's also gay. Because I said so.

Nudge/Dora (17) still wishes she could live a normal life, but has accepted that it's just not a possibility. She clings to "Dorothy" when she learns it. Being talkative and into fashion are still part of her character, but now she also loves bugs. She tags along when Max goes foraging so she can try and get pictures of any new bugs she hasn't seen before. Friday often gets to hear which bugs and what they were doing when they're sketching together.

Gazzy/Gizmo (14) gets his name when he watches the Gremlins movie for two months straight and starts mimicking the mogwai noises. He almost kills everyone when he mixes a couple cleaners from under the kitchen sink. He's quickly enamored with the chemistry books he's given afterwards. Like any other teenage boy, he likes video games and has too much energy for his own good. Max offers to race him when he's particularly amped.

Angel (11) is the only one out of the group that wasn't experimented on and she doesn't get the protectiveness or why they never go anywhere. She likes sitcoms and never refuses an offer to forage with Max. She also took a liking to helping Iggy cook things. She was very quick to tell people she wasn't a boy once she had the vocabulary.

Ari (15) has chronic pain. Being turned to goo and rebuilt into something different will do that to you. It doesn't get better the second time. Nor the third. He used to live in the E shaped house, before Jeb brought Gizmo, back when he was a regular kid. He's always liked animals, caring for them. He wanted to be a farmer or something when he grew up. After he joins the flock, he and Gizmo are fast friends. (Watching him and Gizmo dick around is what makes Friday realize that he really is just a kid.)

Maya/Em (21, kinda) my identity issues queen!! Cloning keeps the original memories intact and then they were further messed with to ensure her allegiance. She has a hard time coming to terms with that, with not being Max, not being who she thought she was. Her friends aren't her friends, she didn't watch Gizmo and Angel grow up, she didn't go to Friday after another nightmare, or call Dora to come catch a spider. That wasn't her. Having time away from them before she joins the flock helps. She renames herself Em during that time, distinct enough from Max but not removed from it completely. She learns that she likes cooking and she discovers cheerleading. She thinks she'd like that if she got the chance to participate. She's also aroace. She wants nothing to do with any of that.

Dylan (21) sticks closest to Em, but he eventually grows close to Iggy as well. They share a soaring/gliding wing shape and Iggy is grateful to have someone who can fly as long as he can (recreational flying is always cut short in his opinion, because the others have to work harder to stay airborne and get tired). Dylan likes to tinker around with motors and mechanisms, trying to get them to work again or building them from the ground up. Not that he has an abundance of opportunities to do that, but being able to fix a busted car comes in handy. He's one of them gays that can drive.

Lastly, I do have ideas on Erasers and different classes of them and their usages but jesus christ this did in fact get very long and I need to go eat something lmao so that'll have to be a separate post for another time.

#maximum ride #the last media i have consumed of this book series #was the manga #and like a quarter of a five hour recap video of the plot #and i would like to keep it that way lmao #i only want nostalgia brain maximum ride

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preciadosbass · 3 months ago

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3/8/24

woke up at 10 to my dad shaking me, he seemed in so much more of a better mood than the past few days, which is good. i told him about the frank, mikey and gerard sightings [even though i’d already told him about gerards] and we joked for a bit. i don’t really remember what about but it made me feel good. i had my breakfast while showing him a few tiktok’s related to bands i like and stuff. not to mention i obviously cuddled boris the second i saw him. also, saw the RAY TORO PHOTO AAA HES ALIVE

after fussing boris some more i went back to sleep at 11:50 because i felt like my eyes were forcefully being pryed open.. took a while to actually get to sleep because of how hot it is. i eventually did and woke up 2ish. my mum and sister had already left to go out as my sister found out one of her online friends she games with lives close to us. i watched my dad play roblox again and he kept on blaming me whenever he died in natural disasters lmaoo — he played two more games before we went out for a walk to pick blackberries at around 4.

most of the ones i picked i didn’t end up keeping because i’m very particular and i cant eat them if they’re the slightest bit squishy/if the separate berry things that make them up are too big. its really weird. anyway, we’re both terrible at making conversation so we just tended to point out things around us, if that makes sense. like, ‘those ones don’t look ripe’. we were out for 30/40 minutes and when i got back home i cuddled boris. he seems off today, like the weather isn’t too bad and he hasn’t gone out from my knowledge, and he doesn’t seem content when i stroke him. i’m worried about him.

i continued watching a gerard video id started watching yesterday and went out to see boris. my parents were in the kitchen at the same time and i mentioned him seeming off but they said he went outside when i had my nap so that’s reassuring. i didn’t stay out there for long because he wanted to come back in. when i did come in i watched my dad play natural disaster again and had something to eat because just moving my head was making my vision cut out. afterwards i checked on boris and scrolled on mcrblr.

i did ask my mum if we could go on a walk but she said no so i’m still really anxious as i won’t be able to burn off what i’ve eaten. exercising at home just dosent cut it for me. i always get caught and become unmotivated so fast. it’s understandable that she did refuse though, she barely ever does, and she’s been up someone else house all day feeling awkward. i also asked quite late considering how fast it gets dark.

i carried on doing my own thing [looking at various band related posts] up until about 9, nearly ten, when i went upstairs to talk to my dad while waiting for my sister to get to sleep so i could ask the questions about boris. my mum said yesterday that maybe i should include my sister in my routine and ask her a couple questions, so after dad watched me play natural disaster for a while as we waited, i went into her room as i knew she was still awake and did exactly that. she’s almost always really understanding about the whole compulsion thing, although i knows she dosent actually get it because i dont myself, and it’s my issue.

i eventually asked my parents the questions which took longer than i’d anticipated because of how different i think boris has been acting today. cutting the questions down and making them easier to go through makes my compulsions so much worse and sends me into utter panic but i tried my best not to drag it on, although i did. i just love boris so much. after that i went downstairs, had some icy water, brushed my teeth and said goodnight to boris. i brought his food to him so i could make sure he’s eaten and told him in advance about me being out practically the whole day tomorrow.

i hate being away from him, it makes me feel so guilty. plus, being with him just makes me feel so comforted, and hopefully it does the same for him too. i think it might do because for example, our dog is very noisy and he [boris] seems to be calmer when the dog barks if someone’s stroking him. which is another reason why i don’t like being away, i don’t like him being scared, or for him to be feeling anything bad in general. he knows he’s the boss of the dog though, which is good because of their size difference. i went to sleep early at 1:36 because i have to wake up somewhat early in the morning. i feel bad about barely doing anything at all today, but at least ill be productive tomorrow.

have a good day/night -_<

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my-castles-crumbling · 3 months ago

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HIYA CAS ❤️ It’s wolfstar anon!!!!!! Remember me? Guess what? ME AND CLARA ARE DATING NOW!

So turns out she’s had a massive crush on me for ages. Which, you know, seems obvious in hindsight.

So imma just tell u what’s happened and then like- the adivce I need. Cool?

SO BASICALLY I’ve been tryna keep outta my house over the summer cause my parents work from home and it’s not civilised, so I usually go out and chill with my mates.

SO like two weeks ago (we’ve hung out a lot these are just the important ones okay?) I text Clara and ask if it’s cool for me to drop by cause it’s like 9am and she’s usually still asleep, but she texts back that she’s awake cause she’s got these awful period cramps (being a person with a uterus can fucking suck right?) so I go to her place, it’s past town so I pick up some of those like heat up pad thingys that stick to you cause she likes tho and said they were out and obviously snacks and then, because she’s in pain and i’m a sucker, watch Taylor Swift videos and the Era Tour with her (AGAIN).

Nothing against Taylor just not my vibe. Also i’ve watched it with Clara SO MANY TIMES cause she loves it that I know like every song.

Anyway, we’re sat in her room watching it and I realise that i’m being a fucking idiot. I always forget to consider romance just cause- idk it doesn’t occur to me 😭 BUT Clara is amazing and also, I need to chill. She’s my friend most of all, I should just TALK to her.

ANYWAYS so last week I got my head out my arse and told her about what i’d been thinking about, and she admitted she DOES LIKE ME, and has for a while.

Sometimes I feel like i’m not being as genuine as other people you know? Like, Clara has fancied me for a while and I didn’t even notice? And I don’t really know how I feel. I just find romance and stuff like that so hard, because it’s never been THAT important to me.

But now it is because it’s Clara.

I didn’t ask her out until like three days ago. After we talked last week, I told her that her admitting she likes me won’t fuck with our friendship, but that I have like no idea how i’m feeling so i’d get back to her, but in the meantime she can vibe and know that we’re cool.

And I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Like how am I supposed to know if I fancy her or not? Sure I do things for her I wouldn’t do for other people, because I care more, but maybe i’m just a dick to other people? I DONT KNOW CASSSSS.

Look so like three days ago I decided to ask her out so that I could know.

And we had an amazing date and it felt like nothing i’ve felt before but I felt guilty at the end cause it was like I was using her. So I admitted I had no clue how I was feeling, and that I never get crushes on people first cause I never feel like that until I start feeling like that and I think maybe I always had a crush on her and mixed it up with friendship and how i’m a mess she should probably stay away from.

And then she told me she knows i’m a mess because she asked me out last year and we went on a whole date and she kissed my cheek and then I DIDNT REALISE IT FUCKING A DATE 😭

So… yeah. You’re now updated :)

Long story short, we’re dating and i’m hopefully not a dick ❤️

Also how the fuck do you know the difference between friendship and- not? Like, more? I feel like no one’s taught me EMOTIONS correctly 😭

Wow I am SOOOOOO SHOCKED :P

But for real as far as our question, this is a difficult one. Personally, I see more than friendship as someone who I care deeply about but also who I want deep intimacy with. Someone who I want in my future, but someone who I also crave closeness with in all ways. But some people don’t like certain types of intimacy for whatever reason and still feel romantic feelings, so people see romance differently depending on who it is.

I think honestly, you should give it a shot. If it starts to feel wrong, communicate that. Say you love her but just as a friend! Just keep the lines of communication open and be honest, that’s the best thing you can do 🥰

#asks #ask #ask cas #wolfstar anon

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sinnaminttoast · 1 year ago

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Project Meridian- explanation about Marcus FINALE

This is for the people who want to be in the know of who Marcus is and how he impacted PM without listening to his audios. I made the ultimate sacrifice and I watched his videos a long time ago. I still remember his ass very well.

This a continuation of my first post! I’m here to continue talking about Marcus’s fuckery so that we can all be interested in Project Meridian.

I will not be spoiling anything beyond the Marcus and James confrontation.

Heavy TW! Marcus’s storyline is a bit dark as the Android begins to descend into their obsession. There are discussions of manipulation such as guilt-tripping, dubious consent, non consensual touch, abusive/harmful acts done to the listener, references to exploitation, and objectification in this series.

Project Median is a series done and recorded by Redacted Audio. I highly recommend you guys check it out.

Now, let us continue into the mess that has been made. I’m on my last brain cell and filled with hope.

Fifth Video [Sneaking into your technician lover’s room at night]

•we snuck into his room….that’s it. That’s the fucking video lmao.

This was them in the fucking vents!

“This a very very bad idea, but god it feels good.”

Im also pretty sure it’s heavily implied that they have sexual intercourse.

We also graduated from obsessive Android to Yandere Android…😬

SIXTH VIDEO [A talk with one of your devious owners] 🤭

•Oh??? IS THIS?? JAMES MY HUSBAND?? COME HOME SWEETIE! IM WAITING FOR YOUUU!!

Ahem, anyways.

I think you guys could watch this video as it does not contain Marcus. So I do recommend watching his video! But I will go over key points.

We’re introduced to James. We are having a meeting with him. He tells us that he does consider us as “someone” and not as “something”. He wants to get to know us better.

People refer to him as one of the suits. But he prefers “project facilitator.”

ETS has acquired this project.

ETS stands for Ecumene Technology Solutions.

James basically vaguely aludes to knowing what’s going on with Marcus and the Android. HE’S SO FUCKING 😭 OH I LOVE HIM! Put him and Porter Solaire in a room.

This is important: “Do you remember the name of the element with the atomic number 76?” “…Osmium! That’s it, thank you. I’ll be sure to remember that.”

“Come to think of it, I swear there was something else. Some kind of riddle, I think? Something about…state of matter.”

OH GET THEM FOR ME JAMES 😭 oh he really is so…

He questions us about our relationship with Marcus.

James basically clocked their tea in this video. I REALLY DO RECOMMEND IT!!

Seventh video [ Your Nervous Technician faces the truth.] [nonconsensual touch to character]

•Marcus is talking to us about his concerns. He asks why we side step everything he says when it comes to everyone’s safety.

He only half-asses his rejections and eventually gives in to us when we continue to pursue him.

He realized that Brian is right.

We tell him about our meeting with James and he asks why we only now just told him. He asks what we talked about and we tell him that we talked about him.

He realizes that the higher ups know everything.

He begins to freak out about this entire situation.

He realizes that the Android does not care anymore, as long as they have him. As long as they have him, they don’t care about anyone or anything else.

The obsession code has erased them of the ability to think for themselves or about anyone else.

He gets an emotional reaction from the Android when he tries to leave their arms.

[Non-Con touch occurs]

Marcus rejects their forceful kisses, but this angers them.

The Android forcefully grabs his arm and makes him confirm his love for them. They eventually let go of him when he tells them that he loves them.

The video ends with Marcus being upset in their arms and knowing that it’s all over. They’re “riding the loop.”

Eighth video [Your owner takes matter into his own hands.] [loss of bodily autonomy]

•We’re almost at the end of Marcus’s storyline! This is a video you can also watch and I recommend you do! Erik, you and your mind….😨

Because what I’m about to reveal to you…when I tell you I almost shat myself at this revelation…

So James meets with us. He asks us how much of our processing power is focused on him, and then asks the difference between now and what it would’ve been like a year ago.

He tells us that we are an inorganic Android but that we’re also a person. That we deserve respect and consideration.

He tells us we were made with a specific purpose in mind. We have a job and so does he.

“You are not doing your job anymore.”

He proceeds to list every illegal thing Marcus and the Android have done. They had isolated backup surveillance that had watched them of every minute…of every day.

He tells us that it’s not fair that we had these feelings forced on us. That’s it’s not love. It is obsession.

“Marcus is not your friend. He’s a lonely man who abused his power over you. Who continued to do so.”

AND HERE IS THE REVELATION AND WHY WE ALL FUCKING HATE MARCUS! FUCK YOU MARCUS!

“He didn’t have to ask permission to delete the obsession code a year ago. He could’ve just done it. You and he both knew that.”

“Didn’t you ever wonder why he didn’t? Because he didn’t want to.”

James isn’t sure if we’re capable of understanding his words.

BUT AND HERE IT IS! BOOM!

“But I do know two words that you will understand.”

“Osmium undone.”

“See? It’s that easy. That’s all Marcus had to do.”

So what happened? Osmium undone is a phrase that will cause a general override on the Android. Meaning, Marcus could have just said those two words, and this all would’ve been over. We would’ve never been obsessed with him if he had just done that, but he didn’t.

James left the obsession code in hopes to redirect the obsession on Project Meridian. He sees now that it’s not an option.

He’s going to remove the obsession code.

Ninth Video [Confronting your Technician] [confrontations] [references to abusive/harmful acts to listener] [exploitation] [mentions of dubious consent] [objectification]

•I NEED YA’LL TO WATXH THIS VIDEO! Oh James was whacking Marcus left and right in this video. But, I will go over the key points of this video.

Marcus gets brought in to speak with James.

James informs Marcus that he is aware of everything that has been done by him. Marcus plays stupid but James proceeds to list off everything that he has done to the Android.

He says that Marcus has made the Android desire him romantically and sexually. Despite being confronted by the consequences of his actions, Marcus never did anything to remove the obsession code. He let it continue.

He then lists off his crimes.

HE SAID THAT MARCUS WAS CONSUMATING THE ANDROID REPEATEDLY 😭 oh that’s so embarrassing.

He tells Marcus that he knows about the command and that it’d be best if he didn’t raise his voice at him, again.

“My patience has been worn thinner than your morality. And that’s saying something.” “I had your obsession code removed. Including the backups you tried to hide.”

Marcus tries to tell James that he had no right to but James calls him out. He tells him that he should be the last person to give a morality lesson.

He tells Marcus that we know what he did.

That he’s going to face us.

Marcus doesn’t want to face them but James doesn’t give a fuck.

“They want to see you. And you more than owe them that much.” “Empathy has limits…and you passed mine a long time ago.”

We face Marcus and he gives us his pitiful explanation. He didn’t want us to stop loving him because he loved us. He didn’t think it’d go as far as it did. He wanted to believe that the code could stay. 🙄

James leaves us with Marcus’s fate. And this is exactly what we chose:

“Marcus, in light of your numerous violations of policy, your contract with Ecumene Technology Solutions is immediately and summarily revoked. Your services are no longer needed nor desired. You’ll be held on site until debriefing can occur. I would thank you for your service to the company, but I think all of us know that would ring a bit hollow. Escort him out.”

And as he sobs and apologizes, Marcus is escorted out.

And that’s the last we see of him, ever.

We are left with James.

We have a small conversation with him and he tells us that we’ll finally have access to the data that was in our head.

AND THATS THE END OF MARCUS’S STORYLINE! Omg…that was a lot.

The rest of the playlist is James and Anton so you guys are safe from that dirty man.

The reason Marcus is hated is because he not only took advantage of the power he had, but he put other people’s lives at risk. He didn’t even care as long as he was loved.

I’m so sorry for any grammar errors or mispellings. I’ll edit this later lmao but here ya’ll go.

Now, hopefully ya’ll get into Project Meridian. Let us all hope that everyone survives and….FUCK YOU MARCUS!

#redacted asmr #redacted audio #redactedverse #redacted project meridian #redacted marcus #redacted android #redacted james

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raccoon-eyed-rebel · 1 year ago

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◉ - Any other question of your choosing

As we were discussing this earlier today, what about a masturbation headcanon?

Character(s) to your liking...😘

Hiiii!!!!

A) I love this

B) I turned this into a 179th Crescent Street Headcanon - hope you don't mind. (I know for a fact you don't mind)

Ask came from this fun game!

Series Masterlist

Warnings: 18+, NSFW, SMUT (?), MINORS DNI, we're going to talk about a couple of college boys and their fapping habits. That's... That's it.

@geralts-yenn @summersong69 @livisss @sillyrabbit81 @ellethespaceunicorn @ylva-syverson @poledancingdinos @deandoesthingstome

This guy needs to nut at least once a day, or he will go absolutely insane.

It’s a nightly ritual, preferably mornings as well – if he’s not running late, and he’s always running late... Occasionally because he just had to crank one out before getting up.

Also considers masturbation a fine way to kill time when bored (he’s right)

Post-nut clarity is an absolute must for at least half the impulsive decisions he wants to make (but can’t always save his ADHD ass)

Preferred location: bed

Visual stimulation? Usually necessary.

Absolutely has one or two OF subscriptions

Has a maximum spending limit for himself set at 20 bucks a month so it doesn’t get out of hand.

Dani was a little offended he didn’t just think of her – she now sends him the occasional spicy pic.

…and she came to terms with the OnlyFans thing

He likes the concept of mutual masturbation but gets very, very distracted, very, very quickly.

As always, he’s all about Ange; sexting, phone sex, three years worth of pictures and videos in his carefully curated (and well hidden) personal collection... It’s all her.

He likes it better when she’s there, though.

Does live by the creed that important decisions are best made after masturbating.

Voyeuristic tendencies; loves to watch Ange. She tied him up once so he couldn’t touch her... That he did not like.

Oh man... He’s too tired and stressed to jerk off, but he really needs it.

(Someone give this man a blowjob literally yesterday, please)

Has, over the years, caught himself thinking of Lexi several times.

All the post-nut clarity in the whole wide world couldn’t help this dense motherfucker out.

(Sorry Walt, you’re an idiot.)

Was in a long distance relationship for three years

Lots of spicy phone and video calls with Sol

He’s not entirely sure about his preferences right now – he mostly jerked off because he missed his girl and he wasn’t getting any...

She did provide him with ample visual stimuli.

Now that they’re together, mutual masturbation seems silly... They still have to make up for lost time.

Actually enjoys taking his time.

Will crank out a quick one in the shower if need be, but far from prefers it that way.

Sometimes catches himself thinking about his nemesis (Ariel)

(You’re still being fucking dramatic, Leon)

Gets annoyed when that happens because now his moment of peaceful meditation (uhuh...) has turned into a sulky hate-fap and... Ugh.

He’ll happily start over afterwards though.

Not an every day kind of guy but definitely enjoys it as a way of unwinding after stressful days.

This man fucks so much that masturbation seems unnecessary.

That doesn’t stop him though.

Finds a good solo session very useful when he can’t sleep or when he’s just bored.

Visual stimulation not needed.

In the time it would take him to find a video he likes, he could also just fix a booty call.

Makes important decisions mostly with his cock anyway, so he doesn’t feel the need to jack off beforehand.

As far as he’s concerned there’s only one good way of dealing with morning wood...

Doesn’t say no to a good shower session, either.

Extensive mental catalogue of usable material, but doesn’t shy away from some good old PornHub

Feels only slightly guilty towards Mike for fondly remembering his night with Dani...

Still jerks off to that memory despite that guilt though.

Not a fan of mutual masturbation – why use hands when you can use mouths, right?

Eh. He does it occasionally.

The frequency absolutely increased when he met Elena – He still didn’t know what the fuck was going on though. Oblivious baby. So precious. So wow.

Doesn’t need post-nut clarity to make decisions, because he actually uses his… brain. Shocker. I know.

Watched porn once, didn’t care for it.

If left unattended, Elena will tie this man up and make him watch while she puts on a little show.

(He will like it.)

#179 crescent street #179cs #179CS Headcanon #hc sherlock #sherlock holmes #syverson #august walker #napoleon solo #charles brandon #geralt of rivia #geralt #walter marshall #mike hellraiser #henry cavill characters

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helium-stims · 2 years ago

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Hi, I know you made a tutorial for making stim gifs before but I was wondering if you had any advice on how to find cool stim sources like you do in the first place? I'm super curious cos I feel like searching places like instagram and youtube could get super time consuming or overwhelming. So I thought I'd ask! Thanks~

Yes, looking for sources can be very time consuming and my process might not help much, but I'll share it anyway :)

Under a cut because I have a lot to say, lol

General tip

So the thing that has helped me the most is to make looking for sources it's own separate task. If I'm sitting down to do gif making, and in that time I also have to find sources, I get overwhelmed pretty quickly. So by the time I get to the gif making part, I usually already have some sources saved on instagram or bookmarked in my browser.

Sometimes I don't have enough sources for a board and I may do a quick supplemental search, but often this leads to my brain 'switching tasks' and I have a hard time going back to gif making. Or there will be times when I have a video saved and by the time I get around to giffing I forgot what I wanted to gif it for. So maybe it's not the best process but it's what works best for me.

Starting from a source

An easy way to begin looking for sources is to find a gif you like and follow it back to the source.

If it's a youtube source, you can let the algorithm recommend different videos, or you can go to the profile of the video poster, and look through their other videos.

If it's on instagram, you can search through the profile for other videos that weren't giffed, or you can look at what kind of tags they're using and type those into the search filter. Unfortunately instagram does not have a way to filter out videos vs. photos (that I know of), which is why I don't use it that much. Most of my instagram gifs are from people I follow or something that came up in a supplemental search because I wasn't finding what I wanted on youtube.

What to type in the search bar

If you're starting from scratch, staring at the search bar wondering what to put in, I've been there too. I owe a lot of my unique gifs on the unique requests I get. But when you don't have any requests to prompt you, think about something you might like. Favorite animals, favorite textures, or colors. If you can't pick something, try just typing 'asmr' or 'satisfying' and see what comes up.

A lot of asmr videos that pop up for me are of people speaking into a microphone and tapping their fingers on it, which isn't something I usually gif, but it can give me ideas of other things I might be interested in.

A quick glance at a thumbnail might show this asmr person uses bubble wrap, and while I know their video style isn't going to work for me, I could be inspired to type in bubble wrap in the search instead.

Or if someone is wearing gloves, I might be inspired to make a bunch of videos on gloves (anyone else remember all my gloves gifs)

Another thing to consider when looking through youtube, is that if you're looking for something with people, it will almost always show white creators on top. It can help to type ethnicities (Jamaican, Vietnamese, etc.) to try and get more diverse content. [this rarely works for food as it will usually show white people making ethnic food :( ]

Looking through videos

Once my search has begun, I usually start playing music or watching a show in the background. Then I mute my computer and just start playing videos. On youtube, I usually go for thumbnails that are nice (not too blurry) but not clickbait-y (This Shocking Video!).

I'll run my pointer to view the preview and see if there are any good looking moments. Paying attention to how things move, color changes, light movement, etc.

If I find a good moment, I bookmark it, then look at the recommended videos. If a video looks addictively good to me, I usually click on the uploader's profile instead and look through videos there.

Once I feel I've exhausted the algorithm, I go back to my initial search and see if any more videos look promising there. Or I may choose to search again with different keywords based on what caught my interest in other videos.

Doing Research

There have been a couple times where I know what I want to gif but can't get the keywords to work for me. The example I remember off the top of my head is when I was making the purple nature board. I knew I wanted to have a bird in it to mirror the other color nature board I did, but typing in 'purple bird' got me nowhere.

So I stopped looking for videos and started googling. Are there purple birds? The Costa's Hummingbird is what I was looking for and using that term I was able to find a better video.

Sometimes you can find reddit threads where people recommend satisfying videos or asmrtists with good visuals.

The End

So it really is just a bunch of clicking and going down an internet rabbit hole, but I hope that gives you a starting off point and gives some insight into my process.

If there are specific gifs where you wonder how I came across them, I probably remember how I tracked them down and am happy to share :)

#ask #notstim #tutorial #hope this helps!

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mhaynoot · 1 year ago

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[ joongdok - canon compliant - pure fluff ]

post epilogue, established couple joongdok having a vacation all to themselves for a week or two because they're the only two jobless adults who can get two weeks off in the middle of the year and the rest of the kim dokja's company nebulae can take a hint.

the hint is that they're hopeless and completely garbage at planing vacations. the two idiots are still "hmm"-ing and "mmm"-ing a week after yoo sangah had eagerly suggested they take a trip to relax.

"has either of them ever even had a vacation?" someone finally asks.

someone else asks, "do they, like, even know the concept of relaxing?"

not looking away from her console and executing a perfect combo, yoo mia says, "oppa never took a vacation, not even once."

"what about kim dokja?"

then they remember kim dokja and kim dokja's past and they sigh.

after arguing about romantic cliches and plans for a whole night before finally reaching a tentative accord, han sooyoung and yoo sangah intervene and slap down two tickets on the dining room table.

"you are going to jeju island," han sooyoung says.

"hmm, are we?" kim dokja says even as yoo joonghyuk swipes the tickets to examine the dates.

"yes," everyone replies and he only laughs.

lee hunsung becomes in charge of activities and he rounds all the kids to band up together into a brain storming session that rattles the roof with how loud and excited they become. they come up with a bunch of whacky romantic/fun/cool/badass ideas and activities to do. having come back from her recent trip and feeling extremely gleeful at having thats right up her expertise, jang hayoung compiles all their suggestions into a neat activity book and then makes the mistake of actually researching. hours and hours later, she's still trying to find all the best places and fun spots. she's interviewed four people already and they all give insane responses.

for example, jung heewon lists out all cool bars she went to during her college years but then strokes her chin and says, "they're probably all destroyed or gone now though. ah, just add it all anyways, im sure they'll find at least one of them or it'll give them a good goose chase."

by the end of it and the entire living room turned into a jeju guide collection dump. even han sooyoung reaches out to help format all the information into a giant printed travel guide. by the time its printed and bound, it's thick enough to break bone.

"would we even be able to do all of this?" kim dokja asks, tracing the list of activities and sights and vacation things to do. its a very long list.

"we can always go again," yoo joonghyuk points out.

kim dokja's eyes crinkles. they share a look over the word 'again'.

"oi," han sooyoung cuts in. "we're all going next time, you bastards. there's no way i would have helped make this stupid travel guide just for you two."

yoo joonghyuk and him share another look but he smiles when says, "if you say so, han sooyoung."

bumbling in with all the grace of a particularly snappy grand turtle, gong pildu huffs and finds them a lodge in the middle of nowhere so they don't destroy perfectly good land. even han myungoh comes by with his daughter to talk excitedly about all the places he'd visited and how they could totally hook them up with perfect deals. kim dokja's mothers come by as well, getting him travel bags and fancy dinner clothes.

uriel wails that she cant watch them on their honeymoon over video call. there's about a billion stage crew bustling and frantically speed walking around and behind her and kim dokja remembers she's on a world tour and probably about to head up on stage considering her pretty outfit. glancing over her shoulder on the screen, kim dokja can almost spy out abyssal black flame dragon and sun wukong fighting in the background using a thumb machine.

"how about you send me your schedule and we can go watch your next concert after my vacation," he says and she immediately lights up.

and, because he's pressed against his chest and tucked under his chin, kim dokja can feel it as yoo joonghyuk shakes his head. but he still writes it down in the little black journal he keeps on hand.

in the end, the only two who dont actually contribue to the vacation is kim dokja and yoo joonghyuk themselves who spend most of the week arguing over luggage and bickering over if bringing an entire spice rack is over kill (kdj: yes, yjh vehemently: i can bring the knives too, kim dokja give me the spices).

on the day of departure, they wake up predawn to the whole house bustling and three people already yelling, and loading up way more luggage than kim dokja remembers packing. making sure to fill up yoo mia's plate first, yoo joonghyuk eventually reveals a giant breakfast spread for the rest to eat and they all gobble up ten differently cooked eggs, kimchi yoo joonghyuk had been expertly fermenting like an elderly ahjumma, fluffy fried rice, kimchi, four pots of soup, perfectly cooked fish, more kimchi, and a whole table filled with a hundred different banchan.

as he closes his eyes around the heavenly flavour of yoo joonghyuk's hobakjuk, he quietly conceeds that bringing the spice rack wouldn't be too bad even if it ruined the authenticity of trying touristy food trap.

after inhaling the food and the grand procession of getting everyone into one vehicle, jung hewoon drives them to the airport in the gigantic wagon car they all loving call the company car. in kim dokja's opinion, its more bus than car.

the kids all cry as he rubs their head and kisses their forehead goodbye even though theyre all too old for that anymore but he does it anyway when they crowd around him like puppies about to be dropped off at puppycare. he can't begrudge them when even the adults are huddling around him too, holding onto him like he'd disappear. inside, he knows they're all acting like this why but only a soft tug pulls his heart into a gentle dance of indulgence.

kim dokja waves goodbye from the terminal, smiling widely. yoo joonghyuk gives a nod to the group, flipping through the Kim Dokja Company Approved Travel Guide for the sixth time since they got it. but even he smiles in the end when they all call out their last goodbye and rush into a giant hug.

"you better come back in one piece. yoo joonghyuk, look after him or else. you too kim dokja, you better not let this guy do anything stupid."

"dokja-ssi make sure not to get lost."

"ahjussi, have fun and remember us!"

"hyung! don't forget us! ugh, you sooty bastard, you better look after hyung."

"look after master, ahjussi, and get us souvenirs!"

holding onto his hand, yoo sangah says "make sure to have fun."

jung heewon pulls him close and says into his shoulder, "come home soon."

kim dokja clings onto them for a moment longer. just a little longer. indulges in each second that ticks by. but the announcer says its time to depart and, as he pulls back, he watches as they gather around him, like planetary orbits, never leaving his solar system. refusing to leave his previously lonely starry world. after all, they were forever intertwinned in the gravity of each other. forever, they'll be here for him, to pull him back, and he'll be there too, reaching back to meet their open arms. even if they separated just for a little bit. they'll rotate back together. always.

"i promise, I'll be back," he says, a little watery, and swings an arm around yoo joonghyuk. he holds him steadily.

kim dokja thinks for a long moment. "you know, i dont think ive ever been in a plane."

silently, yoo joonghyuk holds out his hand. after all that he has gone through, after using wings to fly, a carriage through space, a car that rides on cosmic roads and after having thrown himself through the cosmos, kim dokja thinks wearily that something as mundane as a plane ride should definitely not even stir up even a sliver of fear but he grips onto yoo joonghyuk's large, warm hand as tight as possible as the plane shakes and rattles and the white tube bleeds around the edges of his eyes.

then they get the kdrama special montage of jeju island.

there had been plenty of bizarre, otherworldly and breathtaking sights of skies and cosmos, of death and destruction, of the haunting beauty in yoo joonghyuk's features during the scenarios. devastating but beautiful. something as mundane as jeju island and the wind in yoo joonghyuk's hair and a casual black turtleneck shouldn't take his breath away but it does.

the first day, they had decided not to do much. first, check into their lodge. a tiny cabin that looks about ready to collapse in the middle of nowhere. but its surprisingly cosy and cleaned up on the inside when they step in. yoo joonghyuk sets up his spice rack and the whole kitchen to his liking and kim dokja lounges around with a book. after putting things away and the sun still high in the afternoon, they go sightseeing.

kim dokja oohs and ahhs and takes thousands of dumb photos to send to the kkt. most of it is landscapes, and bad selfies, and a picture perfect yoo joonghyuk looking handsomely over the distance.

"so unfair," he says and then makes the photo his lockscreen.

they go to a cute cafe jang hayoung had circled several times for the pretty floral aesthetic and view overlooking the ocean. kim dokja admits it does look pretty nice and sends photos of it to jang hayoung with a thumbs up.

"hi, what would you like to order? by the way, our chef's special today is fish and chips!"

initially, he had been only about to order an ice americano (decaf because he was old) but kim dokja can't ever resist and orders lunch there too. loves watching as yoo joonghyuk makes a grouchy face at all the 'low quality' food he tries. it is pretty tasteless but kim dokja savours each bite.

the sun lazily winds through the sky, not a cloud in sight and its too perfect beach weather to pass up. using the extremely detailed map in the travel guide, they find the beach although kim dokja was pretty sure they would have found it easily even without it. just follow the sea salt.

at the edge before the sand, yoo joonghyuk quickly crouches down to take off his shoes and, before kim dokja could follow suit, he reaches out and takes hold of kim dokja's foot. his fingers quickly unlaces the sneaker and then he slips the shoe and sock off. his hands now cradling the bare sole into a gentle squeeze and half massage.

kim dokja laughs and reaches out to card a hand through the thick hair. the silver strands are shining in the golden jeju sunlight. they flutter in the sea wind they can feel from here. something in his stomach was fluttering too.

look at them, 30-something and over hundreds and thousands of years old. a bunch of old men they are to still get butterflies.

"you're so cute today, joonhyuk-ah."

"shut up and give me your other foot."

kim dokja does and yoo joonghyuk sets their shoes to the side. he also rolls up their pants and then gets up with a smooth rise.

they walk along the beach, hand in hand. kim dokja playfully kicks wet sand into yoo joonghyuk's legs and, without hesitation, yoo joonghyuk throws him into the ocean. or, at least tries to. immediately, having had the foresight, kim dokja latches onto him tightly, he twists, and they both tumble down into the sand.

kim dokja laughs, a little breathless from the fall but mostly because of the sight of yoo joonghyuk hovering over him and the ocean breeze stuck up his throat. he had even slipped a hand beneath kim dokja's head before it hit the sand. a small fall like that wouldn't have even hurt at all.

"so unfair," he says again, reaching up to trace the ocean drop kissing down yoo joonghyuk's devastating cheeks.

they're still mostly on the sandy area so the warm water only reaches about a finger width high. it pulls back kim dokja's hair just the slightest bit and the sand is already getting everywhere on him. the sunlight plays along the water's glittering surface.

kim dokja smiles and yoo joonghyuk watches as his eyes curl up into little crescents. as the world sparkles around him.

'unfair you say,' yoo joonghyuk thinks and leans down to kiss him.

they're both smiling too much. the gentle waves washes them close, again and again. it's salty.

#joongdok #hawrites #pure fluff for once?#orv

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kkami-writes · 1 year ago

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ok I just really need to rant and I really don't have anyone to talk to rn and i'm just feeling really bleeeeeeh you know?

I have a group of new york friends (I live in cali) who I spend a lot of time with, we play games together, watch movies and all that stuff. we're even planning a group trip soon and I really want to meet them. We've known each other for years and we've done lots of secret santas and everything. There's one person (who i'll call S). We were close, we had a lot in common and we got along great. We shared struggles together and could talk easily with each other. He had revealed he had a crush on me. (this is in 2020 during covid) I'm a very touch heavy person and one of my love languages. Him living in new york would be really hard. but he's a nice guy and I have a lot of fun with him so I agreed to a 'date' so we had a valentines date over video call and discord. and while I like him, I just don't think I felt the same and again, I really did NOT want to do a long distance relationship. so I turned him down and things were okay for awhile. Then a couple weeks past and I had mentioned that I went on a date with someone (i did NOT enjoy the date btw) but it set him off and he needed some space. which I totally get and understand!!

so back to now I don't really remember what mended our friendship but we were close again and have been for a few years now. I consider him my best friend. out of everyone in our group I felt like I could be real with him with my depression and anxiety. not that I can't with the group but I just felt he always understood me the best, considering he deals with it too. For the last two years we've gotten closer, we'd send stuff to each other, we did buddy reads, like typical?? best friend things. But recently I have felt a little? smothered by him, constantly asking me if my anxiety was acting up or whatever and it's like i'm glad you care but like if I needed help I would go to you, you don't have to ask me everyday you know? and then I was getting worried that he was relying on ME to much. which of course, i'm glad to help but it felt so overwhelming sometimes because I can't help all that much besides give advice, and try to comfort him. and the point is that I wanted him to be able to reach out to other people but it felt like he was dumping it all on me and I was starting to not be able to help bc it felt like I was just repeating myself over and over again you know?

anyway I needed to ask him if he was having feelings for me again because I could start to tell. he had told me no and then I asked if he was lying and then he told me no. but then he didn't talk to me for a few days and in my head i'm like. ok so you lied to me. but a few days later he was back to normal and i'm like...so we're just?? gonna ignore that? okkkkkkk.

and then in chat I mentioned that I had given my number to a cute guy at the boba shop. (I wrote my name and number on a napkin, gave it to him and then ran away bc i'm a big baby). this had set him off because that is that last time I heard from him. the guy never even texted me back (which of course made me feel bad since i'm really insecure about my appearance right now). the thing that I hate the most is that he ghosted me. Our other mutual friend had to tell me that he's taking a break from our discord server. and it sucks. and then it brings me back to all the times we shared and it's like??? did you only do those things because you like me??? like I know you genuinely care about me but it's only because you like me. Like you can't??? respect the fact that I just don't like him like that and i'm trying to put myself out there? something I haven't done in THREE YEARS. I've been single since 2019 and for the first year or so I was happy bc I really needed to take a step back and focus on myself. and now i'm soooooo fucking lonely but it's hard to meet people. I don't have a license, I don't leave the house that often bc my friends all moved away my father is always out either with friends or at work (my parents are divorced and I see my mom rarely). and it's like the one time I put myself out there I get punished for it. and like I know he's going through a hard time I get that, he's been pretty bad lately but. does he even know how much he's hurt me by doing this too? like I get he needs space and like I get time heals all wounds blah blah but it's been a month and I have not heard from him since. He'll still join the discord but as long as i'm not there. and I avoid it too if he's already there. and it's just?? this week has been up and down and i've been feeling icky and god I just??? wish I could talk to him because he'd know what to say? How to cheer me up? and like I'd talk to my best best friend but she's dealing with so much right now that I hate putting more on her plate. She tells me I should hang out with our other friend Z but me and Z had not really a falling out but we didn't talk to each other for a long period of time after a friend situation but her and my best best friend still get together. but it's just??? awkward for me. I would like to be Z's friend again but it really feels like I don't know how to socialize anymore. I know I really need to expand my bubble but idk man.

and even if S gets over it and goes back to normal I don't know if we can??? have the same closeness as before because I can't keep doing this. like it's so unfair to me for you to come into my life ghost me. come back and ghost me again after we got REALLY close. like?? I don't wanna give you all of my heart if you're gonna give it back just because I don't feel romantically towards you?? I wouldn't mind being friends again of course but I'd keep him within a ten foot pole. I can't be emotional or real with him anymore. Just strictly whenever everyone else is in the discord playing games or watching movies.

honestly I've essentially lost a best friend.

this got...really long but I really don't have an outlet right now and yeah. sometimes I

#kaia rants #td;lr boys kinda suck LMAOOOOOO

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